Put the Phone Down

Go to a cafe or diner and watch the people around you for 10 minutes (don't be creepy... just observe.). How many couples are talking? Smiling? Laughing? How many families with kids have both parents involved in what is going on at the table?

More than likely, you will see a lot of people on their phones. Missing out on conversations, precious memories with loved ones, and opportunities to connect. It's terrible.

If this is you, then you need to get your brain back, and before you think that I am lecturing you, hear me out. This happens to the best of us. This was me a couple years ago. I have a good friend who goes home on his lunch break to eat with his kids every day. I joined him for lunch one day, and I watched as he spent half of his time scrolling. Something is wrong with us.

There is a good reason many boomer and Gen X parents made their kids sit at the table for supper and put away distractions. As much as you and I may have hated that when we were kids, it's time to grow up and focus.

Put the phone away at mealtime. Spend the first half-hour at home after work sitting on the couch and talking with your family. Don't crash on the bed or the recliner and read the news (and God forbid you open TikTok to scroll for an hour). Your family needs you to be present, and a little bit of effort goes a long way.

If you are going to beat the phone addiction and invest more in your family, you will need to figure out a system and develop good habits. At this point of the post, I could reference statistics, but I don't know that it's necessary. We all know intuitively that it's easier to put boundaries in place than to survive on will-power alone. I am eating my fourth cookie as I write this, because someone left a bag of cookies on my desk. If they were in the kitchen. This wouldn't be happening.

Now that the cookies are put away, I want to share with you my own path to getting away from the smartphone. First of all, you have to recognize that it's eating away your life. We all have a limited number of hours before our kids are grown, our health is gone, and our lives eventually come to an end.

If you do not think your screen time is a problem, then you probably wouldn't be reading this post. If that's not the case you should monitor your phone's screen time to see how much time you are throwing in the trash. It might be surprising or even sickening, but this is important. It's true that there are useful things we can do on our phones. Podcasts, maps, and other tools are helpful. It's the clutter that I am talking about.

When I got married, my wife and I ditched the smartphones for the first six months of our marriage (it was my idea). It was wayyyyy too hard. I was shocked by how terrible it felt to not have constant access to the internet and random apps. I would sit down to watch a movie and find myself trying to Google something four or five times.

We both had the Lightphone 2. I still have a soft spot in my heart for the Lightphone 2. I needed that detox, but I will not do it again. It's extremely limiting. With that said, I finished my planned phone detox and got a a brand new iPhone 15 Pro Max. It probably took me all of three weeks to be back into my old ways. Only this time, I was aware of how awful it was to have my life governed by a smartphone.

I tried three or four app-based solutions. I even grave Brick a try. However, for three years I mostly just "tried really hard" to not be on my phone. Then my first child was born, and I did well for a while. I was intentional, focused, and undistracted. We played in the floor. We went on walks. I feel that I did a pretty good job of living in the moment.

It didn't last forever. Social media, the pull of constant access to current events, and obnoxiously addictive apps made it too hard to actually live in the moment with consistency.

I don't know what will work for you. Perhaps you have more willpower than I do. I couldn't stand the constant temptation to be distracted any longer. I switched to the new version of the Lightphone. The Lightphone 3 isn't for everybody. Depending on your job, you may need your phone to do more. For me, it is perfect.

I can take pictures and videos, use maps, listen to podcasts, take notes, and it even makes phone calls. Texting is way easier on the Lightphone 3 compared to V2 as well. It works for me.

Now I have two kids. I am by no means perfect. I am still very distractible, and there are lots of shiny things out there to take my attention away from my wife and kids. However, there isn't one in my pocket, in my bed, or on my couch.

If the Lightphone simply won't work for you because you need to use specific apps, the Wisephone might be a good option. My wife has one, and we've been impressed with it. The tool isn't the end goal. Freedom is the goal.

If you can use an iPhone with screentime rules and a friend for accountability and make it work, go for it. Here's what you need to remember. No one has ever gotten to the end of their life and said, "I wish I would have spent less time with my kids and more time playing games and reading about other people's lives."

Make a change. Your family will thank you (and love you) for it.